My Sporadic and Somewhat Slapdash Reflections.

STICK A FORK IN ME

2003-11-06T05:36:00.000-08:00

because i'm done.

done.

i'm having a ball....this whole new job deal....life is good....hectic but good.

anyway....blogging has been put on the back burner for a while....and it is just time to hang it up.

currently....i enjoy reading other bloggers more than creating my own....so i'm quitting.

quitting sounds so negative.....

i'm going to channel my energy elsewhere....

it was fun for a while (especially when i had more time).....but i must go.....and be.....and do something else.

maybe i'll return when i have a kid.....or move somewhere cool.....or have something really awesome to talk about...but right now too much to keep track of.

check ya on the flip side......

I SUCK

2003-10-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

as i find myself getting busier and busier....i just start to suck....at everything in general. i stop using the shift key. semantically and syntactically correct sentences become a thing of the past...much too time consuming you see.

i suck as a family member, SO (significant other), friend, blogger....the whole she-bang...i suck. i'm tired...and frustrated. i need more damn time.

is it physically possible to get all of this finished???

oh....just piss off!!!!

matt said last night that he thought i liked him a whole lot less. he said i didn't cook like i used to for him. huh? what? cooking? what....my cooking sucks now? he said....there was a time when i put a whole lot of TLC into his food. he said he is lucky to get the T now. hehehehe.....okay.....this actually made me giggle. but all it really is.....is....is.....just proof that i suck. see!

am i going nucking futs? or....is this just a bad day. breathe....count to 5,000.....chill babe.

s'okay right? s'all gonna be okay?

A FEW THINGS I DISCOVERED OVER THE WEEKEND

2003-10-15T17:17:00.000-07:00

Laughter is such a good thing

I'm getting old...it blows...truly old....the kind of old where you feel ill after every ride you get off of....that kind of old

Standing in line sucks...especially when you are old...all the strangers around you stand too close...and they just kind of get on your nerves in general....irritable old

Going upside down at 70 mph is not normal when you are old...just not natural at all

Standing in front of those fun house mirrors...well...you look even more horrible when you are old

It is not possible to ride EVERY ride in the park when you are old...no matter how much you wanna...man...it's just difficult

Body parts hurt when you get off those rides...old body parts...parts that just decided to make themselves known...parts that didn't exist before you got on that ride

Long car rides with great talks...the kind where you laugh the whole way...almost miss six flags because you are laughing so hard...well...those rule...even when you are old

THINGS THAT EXCITE ME TODAY

2003-10-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow...I get to go to Six Flags with a girlfriend....ride rides till I puke...and eat all of that fun stuff that's not so much fun to throw up.

I have another Saturday of no serving. This is such a beautiful thing...difficult to explain...but it is so fun having Saturday off!

I have these new pants...with little deals running down the leg...with glitter thread in them...all girls like glitter...especially glitter thread...all girls like to wear glitter and red shoes. It's a fact.

It's fall...time to bring plants in...make outside look bare...but inside look marvelous!!

I've been house shopping...and it's really quite fun! I found this house with a little itty bitty pond in the back yard....you know...very asianish...with little calming gold fish....and real live water plants...the people that lived there before owned a landscaping company. It's really my dream home...if I could just convince Matt! He said it looked as if the people were signaling for alien landings...the way they had their little rock beds all laid out in the backyard...(this comment really made me giggle)...he isn't as impressed with the landscaping...but it has sooooo much potential. We'll see...

The Cubs are on fire...and this makes me a smidge excited...at least for all of the fans that have been so unhappy for soooooo long. If my team has no ticker and can't get the job done...might as well send some good vibes out to a team that hasn't gotten it done in two forevers.

I hung up on my mother during a phone conversation last night...typically, I wouldn't promote such behavior...but you know what...sometime people just deserve it. So there! And damn if it didn't feel good.

I just drank a double shot espresso...and a venti cappucino...so...pretty much everything is exciting me right now.

BAD DAY

2003-10-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

While I sit here...staring at the wall...nearly drooling on myself...one thought keeps running through my brain.

I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.
I WILL DO MY BEST NOT TO KILL ANYONE TODAY.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME GIGGLE LIKE AN IDIOT TONIGHT

2003-10-04T22:02:00.000-07:00

I got paid...hallelujah...I got paid.

I am no longer a server...hallelujah...I am no longer a server.

I have two days off...IN A ROW!! Hallelujah...I have two days off in a row!

I have a date with the Chiefs tomorrow...hallelujah...the Chiefs are going to stomp the Broncos.

I have sugar cookies with frosting in my kitchen...waiting on me to eat them for breakfast in the morning...hallelujah...sugar cookies rule!

WELL...

2003-09-30T05:40:00.000-07:00

Currently, my dreams are keeping me awake at night.

ODD

2003-09-23T15:42:00.000-07:00

This morning I rolled out of the drive-way at 7:00 and I noticed something different. I had foot prints on my windshield. Not like paw print, foot prints...REAL foot prints...like Reebok size 11…or something like that. It looks like someone had more fun last night than I did. Sad...and odd.

SHE'S BACK

2003-09-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

If you like to laugh...in the teeniest...tiniest...little bit...go read this girl. You will laugh till your eyes bleed.

CRUD

2003-09-18T09:13:00.000-07:00

Today I'm getting sick....oh I do feel it coming.....the crud. Go away crud!! I have but one word for my feelings today. Bullshit! Total Bullshit. This could be considered two words....but it is a compound.....so I'm sticking with my original thought of only one word. Bullshit!

PITIFUL THOUGHT OF THE DAY

2003-09-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

Ever notice there are a hell of a lot more backwards people than forwards people?

ALL IN A DAY'S WORK

2003-09-13T01:16:00.000-07:00

Hey....sorry I've got all of these "worky" posts lately....but that's just what I've been doing.....working. Period. I'm still loving it.....I just marvel at how my life is different.

Today I.....

told about 50 bottoms to get back in their seats

wiped about 3 noses

tied about 8 shoelaces

received a marriage proposal from a twelve-year-old

told about 50 sets of feet to please walk not run

held about 15 hands

told about 10 hands they should not be touching their neighbor

sang about 5 songs....really loud......while squatting down.....and jumping up....looking like a complete tool....to help illustrate the concepts "tall" and "short"

told about 20 heads to make sure their ears were turned on

reminded about 50 mouths they shouldn't be open in the hallway

wiped spit from my face...thanks to the most evil child I've ever laid eyes on

was bitten twice...thanks to a frustrated (not evil) nonverbal child

had a blind student tell me I was beautiful

gave about 30 high fives

told about 8 kindergarten students to please use their "inside voice"

told all 13 groups that they were by far the most outstanding bunch of the day

wiped tears away from one set of eyeballs

was called Ms. Spe-wee about 35 times

received about 7 hugs and 2 kisses

HE MADE ME GRIN

2003-09-08T20:37:00.000-07:00

Today....one of my Autistic students said, completely out of nowhere....."a lack of knowlege is really quite acceptable". I like this.....think I'm gonna go with it.

STILL SAD

2003-09-07T17:08:00.000-07:00

I've felt little inspiration to blog lately. No need for concern.....just have that missed out/sad/hurt/pissed/numb feeling I described last week. I'm not bipolar. This too shall pass.

SAD

2003-09-02T12:53:00.000-07:00

I think when you are feeling blue, you need to keep picking at that wound.....really dig at it from all angles....eventually it will stop bleeding and become numb.

THAT LOVING FEELING

2003-08-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

Don't lose that lovin' feeling. Ever. I mean it. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever lose the passion for what you do. Ever. I mean it. Am I sounding redundant over and over again? Well, I'm trying to hammer it into your head....and mine (when I reflect on this post). People choose professions (often....hopefully).....because it's something they REALLY want to do. Makes sense. So many people start out with something they love.....and slowly grow to hate it. Don't do that!!

There is, of course, the population that hates what they are doing from the beginning. Sorry for you folks.....been there....done that.....served for six years. It socked. But I guess....you just have to make the most of your time....and reach for bigger and better things. That's what kept me going.

I'm at bigger and better. You know what? I rock! This was what I was born to do. I am awesome. I am so freaking happy I piss other people off. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love the people I work with (except for one.....she is clinically insane though.....I'm sure of it.....she just hasn't been diagnosed yet.....but I'm being patient.....and this is a happy blog....so not going to go there)......but I LOVE the staff.....at all three schools.....they are amazing.....very helpful. THE KIDS ARE SUPER DUPER AMAZING.....I wanna take 'em all home with me. I MEAN.....SUPER DUPER AMAZING......can't say that enough. Yes.....I know I haven't started the major paper work part.....and it's going to suck.....but I'm never going to forget this feeling......this awesome feeling......because all of the school.....all of the working two jobs.........providing services for free through externships....serving and smiling at ass holes.......all of the 24 hour marathon studying sessions.......screw it......it's in the past.....and it all paid off. I'm so happy.....I totally rule.

THINGS THAT WILL HAPPEN BEFORE I GO BACK TO GET MY PhD

2003-08-27T17:46:00.000-07:00

Nanobites will become the scourge of the world and eat my flesh away.

Meteors will crash into Earth, eliminating all life.

Jennifer Lopez will become the poster child for minimalism and moral values.

I will no longer chew gum with my teeth. I will forget my name is Kim.

COOL PIC ON A HOT DAY

2003-08-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

Go check out something really cool.....love this photo blogger.....really love his smoke pics. Check 'em.

NAME THAT BAND

2003-08-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

This post is not for the faint hearted....so beware!

Yesterday I felt like a slug stuck in the mud. I couldn't get my head clear....I was just tired all day. So, Matt took me out for a Sunday stroll and blew my doors off with some old metal. It made me feel like I slammed a case of Red Bull. They say that Red Bull gives you wings.....well so does Van Halen. We watched a special on ZZ Top too.....after that.....I just couldn’t fall asleep. I love to rock!

Matt is learning to play the guitar. I told him he needed a stage name.....he came up with Axe Man. He said this of course, with a crazed tone in his voice....as he gave me the devil’s horns and stuck his tongue out. Matt loves to rock too. He said he wants a guitar that he can set on fire and still play later.....but first.....he’s going to learn a couple of chords. We are always laughing at the new bands.....their crazy names.....songs.....and gimmicks.

Currently, I rock harder than Matt.....he isn’t big on the new bands. He always teases me....and imitates me to others “yeah...have you heard that new song.....ya know.....Sleeping in My Piss.....it wails!” I’ve never uttered that statement exactly.....but I do love all these crazy new bands that just rock your ass off.

Anyway, Matt and I were laughing hysterically.....trying to think of unusual names for a new band. Our list is as follows:

Tweaked nipples

Heat

Sex Monsters

Rabid Beaver

The Wrath

Max Waxman and the Axes

Pork - The other White Band

Smoking Vacuums

House Broken

Blue Butt Plugs

Stoned

Z

Rape and Pillage

Scratched Womb

I think we have a little work to do on the name. Some of these have potential though. If nothing else..... they get your attention. And that is half the battle. If it will get your attention on a shirt......you can sell it on stage.

IT'S FRIDAY

2003-08-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

I just wanna bang on my drum all day.

A STORY ABOUT NOTHING REALLY

2003-08-21T17:13:00.000-07:00

This is just the kind of stuff that happens to me. It may or may not be interesting to you........but this is just what I do......walk around messing things up.

My air is not working in my ride.....it’s so freaking hot *pant* *pant*.....I mean.....HOT....so I go to Git-N-Go....for a nice beverage (not Vodka....it was early afternoon.....but after the week I’ve had....I deserved some). I get outta my ride and shut the door......I catch my long flowing shirty/vesty thing in the door.....while I’m still walking......so I nearly rip the shirty/vesty thing off my body. I look around.....nobody saw me.....cool Kim, very cool. So.....I open up the door.....untangle myself......shut the door......BANG.....doesn’t make that nice little latchy sound........it goes BANG.....and opens back up. I of course, try it again......BANG!! I stand there......and think to myself.....I broke my freaking door with my shirt???

Pissed......I’m just pissed and thirsty. The heat index was like 110......holy begeezuz......I need a drink. So.....I get my drink.....although it takes forever.....because I have to do a dance with some HUGE guy with a tool belt.....heating up a large bean burrito. I’m so pissed. I have a meeting in 7 minutes......I can see the building (the top of it at least) when I leave Git-N-Go.....gotta get there.....gotta get there......damn door....damn door. Gotta fix the damn door! So, I go to the working.....shutting door....and you know.....I’m going to look it over and see if I can make the two match. It seemed the little circle deal about half way down the door was in the all the way up position.......not supposed to be that way. So.....I push on the circle deal on the working door......to see if I can make it move like the non working door. I get it to move.......IT is now stuck in the all the way up position and not working as well! Both doors were going BANG BANG!! when I tried to shut them. I was so mad I stomped my foot like a 3 year old. It‘s been at least a week since I‘ve been that mad.

I now have 3 minutes till my meeting. I look to the sky for some answers.......there are no answers......just 110 heat index and sweat in my eyeballs. I stand there imagine myself trying to drive two blocks holding both of my doors.....one door maybe......but two.....forget about it!!

The HUGE toolbelted bean burrrito eating guy comes out of Git-N-Go.....although he was the source of my irritation a few minutes ago......I REALLY need him......because he is the only man in sight......and he’s wearing a tool belt......he’s gotta know something.......right? Well, he did......and he fixed my doors! You have to hold up on the handle while you jiggle the circle deal. I would have never figured that out. I did the jiggle ....and I did the door handle.....but not the two together......this guy saved my day. I wanted to throw my arms around him......I was just too damn sweaty.......he would have been grossed out. So, this is the kind of stuff I do.....all the time. Matt says I’m teetering on the verge of disaster about 80% of the day. After writing this story......I feel like we are looking at 90%.

2 THOUGHTS NOW THAT I'M LIVING LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

2003-08-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

1. I'm about out of gas.....so friggin' tired.

2. I don't have enought time to blog....and it is making me sad.

Silence

2003-08-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

I got a new muffler today. I don‘t remember ever being more pleased with a purchase. There is something magical about your ride not sounding like a twin cam Harley any longer.....it just makes everything else in your world smoother.

THINGS I CAN DO TO MAKE MONEY TILL MY FIRST PAYCHECK

2003-08-16T01:16:00.000-07:00

Invent something cool
any ideas?

Sell my clothes
although, I'm thinking.....go nekkid to work and lose first paycheck very quickly

Sell all of those text books
but I really need them to help decorate my office

Prostitution
even if it is the oldest profession going.....it's not too safe.....and Matt would have a problem with this one

Sell my plasma
Ouch! *sniff* *sniff*

Collect aluminum cans
this is a possibility.....not only helping the environment......but doing a little sight seeing as well

Sell noodle art on the corner
not sure what the demand is on noodle art

Sell my plants
but then who would I talk to?

Sell my ride
I don't think this move would even pay my phone bill

Sell Matt's shiny new ride
hmmmm....this one has potential

HAPPY BE NICE TO THE NEW GUY DAY!!!

2003-08-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

If you are employed, you have been the new guy at some point in your life. How did it feel? Were you self-assured? Did you feel full of knowledge and divine wisdom? Did you walk with your head held high....swiftly moving from one task to the next?

Or maybe......just maybe......you were borderline suicidal. Is that more accurate? Because that is just how I feel today! Okay......so I’m being a bit dramatic.....I usually am.....but being the new guy sucks! Everyone is too busy with their own frenzied work schedule....helping out the new guy isn’t a priority.

When you are overworked and generally overloaded, what do you do? You stress. Right? That is what I did all through grad school. I’m not even stressed today.....because I can’t really pinpoint what to be the most stressed about. It’s EVERYTHING! I’m just kind of on autopilot. What? I don’t get paid for 6 weeks......cool. What? I just lost my office.....no biggie. What? IEPs and meetings with lawyers......sounds like fun.....I’ll bring donuts. All I wanted to say this morning to my completely self-absorbed supervisor was hey Amy........ STICK IT UP YOUR ASS.....I QUIT!! I wanted to run out of the building laughing like a crazed lunatic. Those two thoughts were really what kept me going all morning. Well that.....and the faces I made when Amy had her back to me.

Matt just got a promotion.....he is in charge of a new department.....and he is stressed too. When I first met Matt, he always said that work is something you do in between having fun. I liked that philosophy. Then Matt grew up. He decided he wanted a VP in his title and more money.....way to go Matt! The stress is starting to break him down a little though. The other night he howled at the moon in his sleep. Not only does he howl......he talks in his sleep too......he’s always talking about plane flights being scheduled.....or acquisitions and mergers. There is no telling what will come out of his mouth. I called him at work the other day and he was so freaked......I said, “Mattie is there anything I can do.....anything I can bring you?” He said, “a loaded shotgun and some tequila.” And that......is life in our house right now.

So.....for you seasoned veterans out there.....next time you go into work, seek out a new person. Introduce yourself if you haven’t already.....ask them if they have any questions.....take time to answer while looking at them. Be a human being.
HAPPY BE NICE TO THE NEW GUY DAY!

CUTE BUT DUMB

2003-08-14T23:11:00.000-07:00

It’s something that will haunt me for probably the rest of my life. I totally wasted my 5th, 6th, and 7th birthday wishes. I’m still pissed. I wanted a puppy more than anything in the world. I had a great dog.....but all kids want a puppy. I wished that my dog would have puppies for three consecutive years. I thought maybe my 5th birthday wish wasn’t granted due to some sort of technicality.....like I didn’t quite get all of my candles out on the first breath. So, determined as I was, I wished for the same thing on my 6th birthday. At some point you have to give it up.....using my 7th birthday wish on the pup was just plain stupid. I'll never forget that cheated feeling I had....when Mom told me boy dogs couldn't have puppies.

CONVERSATION WITH FOUR-YEAR-OLD

2003-08-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

During a play-based assessment....in a child sized kitchen.....

Cute Little Girl - What would you like to drink?

Teacher - Milk please.

CLG walks over to refrigerator.....looks high and low......walks back to T.

CLG - We are all out of milk......how about a daiquiri?

Ummmm.....Comments

2003-08-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

So, I really enjoyed my comments for almost 24 hours.....now they are gone again. I DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH MY TEMPLATE!! They just disappeared. Does anyone have any freaking suggestions? I know what you are thinking too.....she touched her template......but I swear I didn't.

NOT MUCH ORIENTING

2003-08-12T11:16:00.000-07:00

Today wasn’t really an orientation.....they were just kidding.....today was a fill paperwork out till your fingers bleed day. I have NEVER seen anything like it.....

check here......

print here......

read here......

read later......

initial here.....

compute and total.....

sign here......

over and over and over and over and over and over and over. blah....blah....blah.

good times.

the next three days are the real orientations......THE NEXT THREE DAYS.....like....ummmmm.....all day. sheeesh......I’m right back in college....working all day and night. I’m ready to have a paycheck and ONE damn job. HUGE blow in the orientation (a.k.a - fill paperwork out till your fingers bleed day). We don’t get paid till the last day of September. That certainly got the attention of all the droolers. I swear I saw everyone’s shoulders sink 6 inches. That blows. That means still slinging hash on the weekends.......working 7 days a week.......till that last damn day in September. Ughhhhh....I’d rather run my tongue through a meat grinder. I don’t know if I can do it.

MEET YOUR TEACHER NIGHT

2003-08-12T10:52:00.000-07:00

Guess what! Meet your teacher night is just around the corner. Now, typically I’m the one doing the seeking of the teachers.....not this year. I’m the teacher......and that is just plain crazy. I wonder if the parents will size me up and think I’m a schmuck. Wonder if they will look at my bulletin boards and think......she doesn’t know what the hell she is doing......that’s not a good WELCOME BACK STUDENTS bulletin board at all. How can I really welcome them back anyway.....I just got there......I should just welcome myself.....WELCOME NEW BUNGLING SPEECH THERAPIST......hmmmm

I don’t really dig the whole meet your teacher night anyway.....but I guess meet your speech therapist wasn’t exactly universal.

NEW JOBBIE

2003-08-12T00:39:00.000-07:00

NEW JOB....HOORAY!! NEW BEGINNINGS....HOORAY!! BEING NEW.....BLOWS! New job orientation....just a few hours away.....ughhh.....it’s an orientation.....right? They don’t really expect anything from me in the orientation.......right? I’m getting oriented. All I have to do is stay awake and try not to look too dumb or scared......right?

All right....so you caught me.....I’m sweating it.....a little. But it just occurred to me......everyone will be new there. Cool huh? There won’t be any people walking around thinking..... I know a hell of a lot more than these new tools. Right? Except, of course, for the people doing the orienting......but they should be nice......right? Oh! I do hope I get nice orienters! I think I’ll go lay in bed and stare at the ceiling fan till the alarms go off.

TRAPPED ALIVE!

2003-08-12T00:17:00.000-07:00

So, I exit through the door off the kitchen and enter the garage......I lock door behind me.....because I’m going to leave through the garage door. So far.....so good. I push glowing button on wall......to raise garage door.....garage door dead......no movement......push button harder......still no movement.....make a face....push button one more time.......unresponsive door. I turn back to the door to the kitchen.....no key.....holy cow.....no key.....holy cow I’m locked in the garage. I walk over to garage door.....frantically looking for handles......or something resembling a handle......no damn handles......holy cow......I’m really locked in the garage. It’s hot.....and I’m locked in the garage. Why won’t this damn door work?

I try to lift the damn door......wiggling my fingers into some grooves and spider webs (yuck)......to heave it upward. You see....when the coil is broken (didn’t know that was the culprit at the time).....the door becomes really....really heavy.......I could have sworn that door was alive.......pushing against me. I tried several times to rock the damn door to the top......finally......after heaving and sweating.....and generally looking like a tool......I get the door above my shoulder.......but I can tell it’s going to come crashing down ANY second. I search for something to stick under the door.....there is a board just to my right. I reach.....and of course graze it with my finger nail.....can’t quite get it.......grrrrrrr......now propping door up with my shoulder and head.......just so I can stretch a little bit more............ahhhhhh......got it.......cram board under door......mission accomplished. I rule! So, I walk out into the dripping heat that only the state of Missouri can deliver......to find my neighbor.....five feet from me.......hands in pockets and mouth hanging open. “You need a hand with that door?” There’s nothing worse than tardy chivalry.

FLICKS

2003-08-11T00:52:00.000-07:00

Hey.....if you haven't seen Seabiscuit....you need to go see it right now. Take a kid too....they will love it. If you don’t have a kid.....find one. One boob scene......but it's blurry.....you can't see anything.....it's safe. I could feel the disappointment vibe Matt was giving off when it was blurry.....but it's a good family flick. It's just a good feel good flick. You know how you felt when you watched Rocky? It's a similar feeling. This flick is even better though....Seabiscuit doesn't have a hellish accent to follow. You actually feel like you can take on anything when you leave the theater.....I dig that. That could be why I felt up to battling my template this evening. A little sad....but maybe it was the biscuit.....a fictitious horse that inspired me. Whatever it takes I guess. Anyway.....if you always put your money on the underdog.....and you love those that fight till the end.....check this flick......you’ll dig it.

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

2003-08-11T00:21:00.000-07:00

After throwing a few fits and cursing under and over my breath....my comments thingy is fixed and so is my side bar. Halleluiah! Sadly though.....my guest book is gone. *Sniff* *Sniff* No more late night playing with templates!! So...make me smile and leave me a comment! I know you have been here.

BTW

2003-08-09T00:57:00.000-07:00

I see how blank and dorky it looks over there on the right......just trying to ignore it for now. No more melt downs over blog template till at least next week.

DEADLY TENNIS

2003-08-09T00:53:00.000-07:00

Tonight Matt took me to play tennis for the first time ever......lemme tell you......that was apparent to all those around. Each time I launched one over the fence....Matt would say.....home run.....it's outta here!....or that one prolly went 375! No.....really.....he was extremely patient and complimentary. I think he was trying to avoid a scene......in which I launch my racket over the fence.....and quit forever. Well, I didn’t quit....we played for hours It was the most fun I’ve had sweating in a long time. I was surfing the web for tips tonight when I came across this. I’ve always been amazed at mothers who can watch their boys bravely play football.....it would kill me. Guess I’ll have to sweat it if they pick up tennis too.

INCREDIBLY PISSED OFF!

2003-08-08T03:12:00.000-07:00

I’m taking a break from hitting things right now to tell you a story. There was once a little girl.....who didn’t know a thing about templates.....well this little girl decided to explore......learn......and play with her own template.....late one evening. The little girl copied and pasted text all night long.....she had a comment button added.....she was totally stoked......ready for comments!!!.......life was good......then something happened......I would tell you what that something was......but I have no flocking idea!!!!! anyway.....the little girl’s page is completely jacked now. guest book......gone :-( favorite links.......gone :-(
guest book gone!!!! ughhhhhh!!! damn! damn! damn! damn!!!!!! i’m going to go back to hitting things......may not be back for a couple of days.

GRADUATION DAY DISTRACTIONS

2003-08-07T00:02:00.000-07:00

Okay.....so I was bored during my graduation ceremony.....and so were my friends. Is there a better way to kill time.....than to find something to make you giggle? Here are some names in the program that made us say......wow.....holy cow.....I‘m glad I don‘t have to pronounce that!!! I did not make these up! We also made a couple of categories......and determined winners.....because we were that bored??.....that mean???....whatever.

THE LONGEST
Piyawadee Piyarutchanunt - we would definitely call this guy PP.....or P squared if he was one of our buddies

THE MOST HILARIOUS
Dorcas J. Haught - Dorcas??? Can you believe that?? Dorc for short???

THESE JUST PLAIN STOOD OUT
Olekasandr Gladkyy

Inna Mangutova

Hsueh-Chia Lin

Ake Sritaborwornphaibo - try to say that last name......I double dog dare you!!!

Eun-Hwa Lee

Sherly Widjaja

Aidar Nurtakanov

Ihori Kobayashi

Mohamed Ayma Rizvan

Rungfa Pingeesekikul

Shong Kwong Au Yeong

Arda Sukra Kavlak

Fook Lee Oh - oh......how this one rolls off the tongue!!!....just fun to say

Congratulations to you all!! Not only did you get your Master’s.....you learned to spell and pronounce these amazing names. Some of these names appeared under 2 headings in the program.....yep....they received 2 Master’s degrees......who’s laughing at who?? Check out the big brain on you! Rock on!

Disclaimer - this blog posting is in no way making fun of roots....heritage.....culture....background.....whatever.....simply dumb white girls being bored.

BABY BUSINESS

2003-08-06T01:31:00.000-07:00

I'm not having a baby (well, not tomorrow or anything)......but for some reason it has been on my mind lately. Perhaps it is the extraordinary number of people I know having babies.....good for them. Bravo.....reproduce....I'll watch intently and take notes. Some of the notes I have taken from others who have produced offspring include:

birth is painful....very painful

pregnancy is very.....very uncomfortable......even if some women glow.....don't buy it.....it's uncomfortable.....it's a facade.....all this glowing business

Las Vegas is not the best destination for a family vacation.....damn

children grow up and mimic all of the stupid things you say

men don't handle the delivery process well.....they suck actually......hey......just going on what I've heard here

kids cost a lot......I'm too expensive for myself right now

if I have a child.......I will never have the time to paint my toenails again.......ever

apparently, you worry all the time if you are a parent......I do that enough

apparently, one day I will walk outside......and find an egg in my tailpipe.....or chicken bones in my gas tank......or "♥ U" written in permanent marker on the side of my car

organization.......gone

control of the remote.....gone

sleeping in......gone

reading for fun......adult books that is......gone

watching R-rated movies.......gone

shouting out a stream of profanities when you stub your toe......gone

you are required to drive not only your kids......but other people's kids.....everywhere

you don't get to buy yourself nearly enough new shoes when you are a mom

you clean stuff all of the time.....floors.....clothes.....faces.....everything

I sound like a hag with my list.....I'm not evil.....I don't kick kids or anything. I could add some good stuff to my list too.....but I'm not gonna. You see.....I actually said this week......while I was pouring Pepsi for an unappreciative guest.....that lately having a baby didn't sound too bad. Then I thought.....did I really just say that????

Well, yes.....yes it does sound bad......I'm entirely too selfish right now with my time. I just acquired some free time!!!! I wanna enjoy it a while. That's not so bad. Is it? I think I'll just stick to rapping with other people's kids.....and for now....taking my notes.

Braggin' Rights Again

2003-08-05T01:25:00.000-07:00

I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed!

What did I win? Contest at work. Winner gets.......are you ready for this??? A night off.....while any manager of your choice works your shift......and you get to keep all the dough!!! hehehehehehe Manager of choice is the district manager who has been up everyone's arses for far too long. hehehehehehehehe I would love to sit, chill.....watch him do all of the work......while pointing and laughing.......because yes, I am that immature........but I think I'll be going out for some fun. This couldn't be a better going away present.

What did I pass???? My boards!!! No more standardized tests for me.....forever!!!! Unless, of course, I’m giving them.....and I’m okay with that.

I rule!!!!

Life is good.....life is good! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed! I won! I passed!

SILENCE

2003-08-03T00:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I am the only person in the entire world awake.....it is so comforting.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO GIVE SOMEONE THE BIRD

2003-08-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

Mistrust

Unjust Arrogance

Disrespect

Ignorance

Being hell bent on uttering the last word

CUTE BUT DUMB

2003-08-02T00:20:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl.....I knew that boxers got really angry.....getting hit over and over and over and over. It only made sense to me that they wore those thingies in their mouths....to keep from swearing at each other.

HELL RAISER

2003-08-02T00:10:00.000-07:00

Always thought I might rebel and get a tattoo. Would it make me too much of a chicken baby if I got a white tattoo?

MORE LOVEABLE LYRICS

2003-07-31T23:47:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to get these lyrics out of my head.......and this is proof.......it's not......"hold me closer Tony Danza". Although.....Elton John just might sing that tune......it would be too weird.

Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Available on the album Madman Across The Water

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad

Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can't hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand

NOSTALGIA

2003-07-31T23:19:00.000-07:00

this is the first thing i wrote in college.....it was supposed to be a descriptive piece......yep....it is a bit flowery....but that was the point. anyway, my grandma loved this bit i wrote.....and she passed away in February.....i miss her terribly. this wasn’t a copy and paste job either.....had to pull out the dinosaur word processor to retrieve this and bang it out........i wrote it almost a decade ago.....sheeeesh......and i wanted to change many things about this while i was retyping.....but i didn't.......grandma liked it this way.....what didn't grandma like about the things i did?

As I begin to mature, things seem to take on new appearances. The parents that protected, guided and towered over me as a child do not seem quite as big and powerful as they did before. The hometown carnival, that held mysteries at every turn, seems boring and overrated. The concerts that were enjoyed in early teen-age years are too loud and now leave my ears reining. All of these startling facts about growing up, make me wonder if there is anything that can remain stable. Is there anything that will remain as special in adulthood as it did in childhood? I was able to answer this question and put some of my fears to rest. Some things will never change.

As I traveled down the windy, bumpy trail, I began to grow apprehensive. Would things still be the same? Would the place I recalled being such a huge part of my life, now consider me a foreigner?

I pushed the thought from my mind and avoided another protruding limb. They were all along the path, reaching and clawing at my bare legs. With much effort, I managed to push my way through the thick foliage of overhanging trees. It was then, that I came upon a familiar sight. The rusty barbed wire fence that stood like a fortress in front of my destination. As a child, I would have to tango with the bottom row of barbs every time I attempted to slither underneath. They grabbed at my clothes and always kept a little piece of material as their trophy from our battle. I was ten at that time, and at eighteen I was able to swing my leg easily over the other side of the fence and make my short journey to the body of water I remembered so well. It was the creek that ran through my grandparent's property. It was the one place that held so many of my childhood memories. I slowly walked to the edge of the creek bed and looked out over the stream. The senseless murmuring of the water seemed to be speaking to me. It was welcoming me back. This place hadn’t forgotten me.

I climbed up on the moss-covered log that stretched the length of the water. I crept across it, walking hell to toe, until I found a resting spot. There I sat, throwing pieces of bark off of the rotting log into the clear running water. I was content, and my mind was at ease. Then suddenly, as if a dam had burst, the memories came flooding back. I remembered the birthday parties, the picnics, and the hot days of summer spent at this spot. Unknowingly, a smile appeared on my face. Everything about this place brought back special memories.

Still in deep thought, I began to recall a time long ago. It was so far in the past. I was six or seven at the time. School had let out for summer vacation and I was helping my grandfather, who I lovingly refer to as “pop”, tend to his garden. I can’t recall exactly what I ever did to help. He gave me small chores to complete, but I think he appreciated my company more than anything.

There we stayed for hours, digging in the dirt, while George Thorogood screamed out the lyrics to “Bad to the Bone”, just a few feet away from us. Pop’s taste in music has always varied from the norm, or at least what you would expect from a grandfather.

In the middle of the afternoon, we discovered that we were both very hot and tired from our hard work. Pop suggested we walk to the creek and take a break to cool off. He carried me on his shoulders, allowing me to bypass the scratchy weeds, or anything that the cows might have left behind. When we reached the creek, we sat below the Oak tree that stretched its limbs over the width of the water.

We talked about the normal things that eight-year-old kids, and sixty-seven-year-old kids talk about. In the middle of our conversation Pop pointed out a big black fuzzy caterpillar making its way slowly down the tree trunk. He pulled it down from the tree for me to hold, and I enjoyed feeling it wiggle in the palm of my hand. I was still young, and I had yet to learn to be afraid of bugs.

After a few minutes of entertaining the caterpillar, my attention was directed toward something else. I gave the fuzzy creature back to Pop and went galloping off barefoot in the grass. I returned minutes later, ready to play with the furry caterpillar that Pop thought I had long since forgotten. He didn’t have the caterpillar anymore. I was confused and asked him where it had gone. He pointed out at the water, and there to my dismay, was my little friend floating. I shrieked like only a seven-year-old girl can shriek. He tried to explain to me that the new friend I had made, was actually a farmer’s enemy, and that is would eat the garden we had been working on all day. That didn’t concern me one bit. I wanted him back.

I will never forget wheat my grandfather did at the point. He took off his shoes and rolled up his jeans. He waded waist deep into the chilling water to rescue a silly caterpillar. He did that, just for me.

A Blue Bird, perched in a tree to my left, sang out loudly leaving the memory behind and reminding me of where I was. After several tries, I finally conjured up enough nerve to get into the water. A ritual I had adopted as a child was counting down aloud from the number ten to zero. I was like a take off or launch into the water. I repeated this ritual and I stepped down ever so slowly into the icy water. The shock from the cold chilled me to the bone. My breath was taken away, and my mind was taken back to a time long ago when my sister and I would laugh about each other’s lips turning blue. The water was as cold as it had been before. It seeped into my shoes and numbed my toes. My upper legs were beginning to follow the lead of my toes, but one thing was acutely aware. My senses. I saw everything so clearly. Everything was as tranquil as before; this place had remained unchanged.

In my hand, I carried the same minnow net I had used as a child. Although the dip net contained several holes, proving years of use, I knew that it would still serve its purpose.
I chased schools of fish, catching colorful minnows and tossing them into the aluminum gallon bucket. I spent hours playing and splashing. I turned over rocks and discovered the same mystical creatures that had always lived there. It was as enjoyable as I had remembered it being ten years earlier.

As I stood taking in my surroundings, I was brought back to reality by the faint sound of grandma’s voice in the distance. It was dinnertime once again. As I walked back toward the farm house, I realized that in ten years, I would be able to bring my children to this same spot and watch them create their own memories. I would also be able to relive this special place, untouched by time.

B

2003-07-31T00:43:00.000-07:00

If you are lucky...in your lifetime....you will run across a handful of remarkable people. I have. My graduation day makes me think of someone truly outstanding. I’ll call him B....you see he was someone I worked with formerly.....he was in a terrible car accident. Lucky to be alive they say.....we are all lucky he is alive....because he makes the world a more interesting and fun place. He has limited mobility on the left side....and walks quite well with a cane.....it takes him a little longer to get from A to B....but he gets there.....always determined.....always working to improve. How does that relate to my graduation day? Well....he was running right on time for the event....because he came from therapy before graduation....and as you know.....graduations are no place to be right on time. There was nowhere for him and his mother to sit during the ceremony. I spotted him right away.....standing in the back of the auditorium.....he was leaning a little to his right and looking intently at the sea of caps.....searching for me. He stood during the ENTIRE boring graduation process. And that.....well, that.....is something. I am lucky to have connections with people like B....and not too many days go by that I don’t remind myself of this.

HOT DATE

2003-07-31T00:36:00.000-07:00

I've been on a date all evening with Bob Dylan and BB King.....
it' s been heavenly.

SLIPPING?

2003-07-30T14:05:00.000-07:00

I had something really smart to say.....wow.....you would have liked it too.....but now it’s gone. Can’t get it back......making me nuts. There is nothing worse than a forgotten blog idea. Well, I’m sure there are other things worse......but right now.....at this very aggravated moment......I can’t think of a single one. I JUST HAD IT! I’m noticing more problems like this.....go into the other room.....can’t remember why I’m there......call someone by the wrong name......or worse.....don’t call them anything.....just say “hey” and sputter out a few unintelligible syllables.....while trying to remember their name......forget what day of the week it is.......forget where i live.......you know.......little subtle things like that. Pre Alzheimer’s? Maybe.....but definitely slipping.

You were born........

2003-07-29T01:34:00.000-07:00

............to live your life out loud.........to smile...while accepting the intolerable and unbearable.........to inspire a genuine laugh.........with a bit of irrepressible mischief.......as an innovator... rather than an imitator.......to compete and succeed ............with a quick mind and tongue........highly animated...........a natural and perpetual entertainer.........undemanding and at ease..........forever in pursuit.........full of questions...somehow never asked........a receptive, salty soul.........an easy favorite............unmistakably..... “the dude”.

Braggin' Rights

2003-07-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

What could be more narcissistic than having your own site for people to read? Well.....how about writing on your site how you won at the fair? Because.....I did. I RULE!! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON!!!!! The only reason I'm tooting my horn is I won in a category that you just don't win very often.....so I'm going to savor this moment. I won best of show in the ENTIRE houseplant extravaganza. That is really what they call it.....the extravaganza.....and those judges thought my Spathiphyllum.......a.k.a.....variegated Peace Lilly......was the coolest one in the entire extravaganza.....and I love that!!! I have been searching for a picture on the web......they must not be too common......can't find one. Here is a typical peace lilly......just picture this one......with white stuff all over the leaves......which makes up the variegated part.....and green stripes running through the blooms......and you can somewhat imagine what mine looked like. I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON!!!!

DISCOVERY

2003-07-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

I know why I love reading other people’s blog.....it’s like legal snooping.

WORK BLOWS

2003-07-27T00:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve recently discovered......2 days off a week is considerably different than 3 days off a week.

THINGS I'VE THOUGHT IN THE LAST HOUR

2003-07-26T01:14:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer - something tells me that a post when I'm this sleepy is dangerous.....but what the hell.

I'm so pleased Lisa Marie Presley has stretch marks.

I wish I didn't have to get up to turn the computer on.

Where the hell did I put my social security card? Damn! Damn! Damn! Where did I put my social security card??? Gotta start new job......gotta have little blue card with numbers......gotta find it.....gotta find it.......damn! damn! damn!!

I drank a hell of a lot of coffee today.

If I looked like Liz Hurley in that dress.....I'd never take it off.....I'd wear it to church......dollar general store......work......whatever.

Today......I gave someone a present that made them cry.......cry in a good way......and that rocks. I'm not a bad person.

I wish I would have stopped that ball with my glove.....instead of my ankle.........never been great at crossing over.

The lead singer for Live......he has more hair around his belly button......than on his head.

Smart people can say stupid, inconsiderate things.

I can't believe that Mariah Carey is singing one of Def Leapord's songs. What the hell is going on in the world?

I can't believe how big Mariah Carey's boobs are......has she always had those??

I should have swam more this Summer......went to more ballgames.

How in the hell is it almost August?

We all make mistakes.

The Cardinals need a pitcher.....an army of pitchers.

I can't believe I slept through my alarms for an hour and a half today......don't do that tomorrow......don't do that tomorrow......don't do that tomorrow.....don't do that tomorrow.

Wonder why guys always say they would give their left......well.....you know what.........to do something.......why is it always the left one......never the right. Is the right one that much better? What would be worthy of a guy offering the right one???? Must be something pretty cool.

LITTLE GRAY FRIENDS

2003-07-24T01:18:00.000-07:00

The best thing about gray hair is.........upon discovery..........you will always have dear friends to panic and sympathize with you. Mental note........don't make any really young friends.

GROWN-UP STUFF

2003-07-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Being a grown-up is crazy....don't act like it doesn't blow your mind. If it hasn't blown your mind......then you haven't come face to face with your 10 year high school reunion. When I was in high school......and thought of myself at my 10 year reunion.....I imagined a different version of me......a little creaky.....and more wrinkly. I also pictured myself with more of my sh*t together. I'm batting about 500.

JUST A HINT OF PANIC

2003-07-23T01:30:00.000-07:00

My new job is quickly approaching.....two thoughts repeatedly run through my brain.

1. I REALLY hope I have some free time.....because I am quite accustomed to spacing out for the afternoon and not doing a damn thing.

2. I REALLY hope I don’t screw any kids up.

GAG

2003-07-23T00:36:00.000-07:00

Jennifer Lopez has entirely too much ass....and too much money. There aren't many stars that I love to hate.....but she is one. I give this marriage less than a year......it will be dead and buried in a rhinestone covered casket. Fake.....fake......fake......was all I could think when I was gagging my way through this interview.

CAR THOUGHTS

2003-07-22T01:47:00.000-07:00

I've always said that a car should be something to get you from point A to point B. Period. I don't really need to make a statement with my ride. Hey.....look at me.....I've got more money to blow than you. That's really not my style. However, I need a functioning air conditioner.

I shouldn't have to worry about having a heat stroke at a stop light. My ride feels like an iron smelt.....and frankly it is making me a little nuts. Soon.....I will have a new job and a new ride......but until then......catchy lyrics (which you may find horribly offensive.....it's Adam Sandler.....what can I say) run through my brain.

FRIENDS

2003-07-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that claims the most fun she has ever had was when we took a trip to Six Flags a few years ago. Do you realize the magnitude of that statement? I was part of someone's most fun day. Cool.....very cool. There are days when I think about that......and it makes me smile all over.

TELL ME.....HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

2003-07-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

Let me see....I just had it.....I do believe.....now where in the hell could it be? My brain. My brain is MIA. I don’t really remember using it last. Maybe someone else used it last. Did I loan it? Did I leave it? Yes......yes.......I retraced all of my steps......it wasn’t anywhere to be found. Yep......checked all of my pockets.....looked under the bed.....even checked the freezer because sometimes I’ll find shampoo or my car keys on top of the Totino’s pizza.

You know what would be cool? My brain should be equipped with some sort of paging system.....like on my phone. When I lose my phone......I hit a button.....beep......beep.....beep.....beep.....I sprint to the other room......dig through piles of clothes......bang!......phone.....problem solved. I wish I could pull my ear or push my nose and sound my brain.....I miss it terribly.

NEW MEANING

2003-07-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

Ever hear something a million times......then one day you say to yourself....wow....that's really messed up.

"Like sands through the hourglass......those are the days of our lives".
>cue music<

What a friggin' dismal way to begin a program.

2 MUCH TIME?

2003-07-17T03:28:00.000-07:00

So.....last night......about 4:00 a.m. I came across an old notebook with a bunch of scribbles. Hmmmm......wonder what this is????
An old algebra book......sunuffagun....I hated algebra......bugs and math.......they are about neck and neck. What in the hell am doing with this notebook..... from a hated subject.....last used a zillion years ago?
For some reason I sat down and tried to do a problem (are you getting a picture of how much free time I have now). I tried the FOIL thing and ALL CARS EAT GRASS (or something like that.....but maybe that was music class). I piddled and erased for a good five minutes.....until I became frustrated and experienced horrifying scholastic flashbacks. I no longer have that notebook.

Requests, Comments, and Concerns I get to ignore after August.

2003-07-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

This is a 9 oz. steak?

Did the bartender forget the alcohol in this one?

My mashed potatoes are cold.

My steak is overcooked.

Can I have a fork that’s not bent?

Can I have more napkins?

This ketchup bottle is empty.

Is this fat and gristle normal?

We are on an hour wait.

Can you change the channel to NASCAR?

Can you change the channel to the PGA tournament?

Can you change the channel to the NBA game?

Can you change the channel to the football game?

Can you change the channel to Sumo Wrestling?

Can I have another wet nap?

Where are the bathrooms?

Can you sing happy birthday?

Can someone get the door?

Can someone get the phone?

Walking out!

Sweet tooth!

Hot plate!

Behind you!

Runner!

Follow!

Food dying!

Drinks dying!

Can I get a soda change?

We are out of silver!

My kid spilled his drink.

Do you have Budweiser in a can?

How much of a tip do you want?

How much longer on.......??

How much is the.............??

What comes with the........??

Can I have more................??

There is a meeting on Saturday.

How much longer are you open.....still serving food.....right?

My I.D??????

All 10 of us would like to add a house salad.

Can I have lemon in my water?

Be an Applebuddy.

It’s only 7:30???

Try this.....it tastes funny.

Kim......you are late......again.

HOTTER THAN THE 7 HEADS OF HELL (whatever that saying means.......but it certainly is catchy......I think you get the general idea).

2003-07-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

The only being that would order hot tea in July....is surely a descendant of Satan.

IT'S SUMMER

2003-07-15T18:39:00.000-07:00

Get off your ass.......step away from the computer........ and go outside.

DINGERS

2003-07-14T14:31:00.000-07:00

The Home Run Derby is tonight.....pick your favorite seat in the house.....pick your favorite guy to cheer for......and get locked and loaded....it's going to be awesome!! I'll be working.....but I have a tape in the VCR......because you know what baby?? Jim is going way downtown tonight!!! Bring on the dingers!

HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW?

2003-07-13T18:51:00.000-07:00

Garden tip of the day.....

before pulling weeds get really, really, really, pissed off.....the motions become effortless.....and you can finish in half the time!

A HEAVY HEART

2003-07-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

bereaved, bitter, blue, cheerless, dejected, depressed, despairing, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, distressed, doleful, down, downcast, forlorn, gloomy, glum, grief-stricken, grieved, heartbroken, heartsick, heavy-hearted, hurting, in doldrums, in grief, languishing, low, low-spirited, lugubrious, melancholy, morbid, morose, mournful, pensive, pessimistic, somber, sorrowful, sorry, troubled, weeping, wistful, woebegone,bad, calamitous, dark, dejecting, deplorable, depressing, disastrous, discomposing, discouraging, disheartening, dismal, dispiriting, dreary, funereal, grave, grievous, hapless, heart-rending, joyless, lachrymose, lamentable, lugubrious, melancholic, miserable, moving, oppressive, pathetic, pitiable, pitiful, poignant, regrettable, saddening, serious, shabby, sorry, tear-jerking, tearful, tragic, unfortunate, unhappy, unsatisfactory, upsetting, wretched,apologetic, conscience-stricken, contrite, crestfallen, dejected, depressed, disconsolate, down, downcast, downhearted, guilty, low, regretful, remorseful, sad, upset, woebegone,atrocious, bleak, depressing, depressive, dismal, dispiriting, distressing, doleful, dreary, foreboding, funereal, gloomy, horrible, mournful, ominous, oppressive, sad, sinister, somber, threatening, black, cheerless, comfortless, dark, discouraging, disheartening, dismal, drear, dreary, funereal, gloomy, grim, hard, harsh, hopeless, joyless, lonely, melancholy, oppressive, sad, somber, unpromising, austere, black, bleak, blue, comfortless, dark, dejected, dejecting, depressed, desolate, despondent, disconsolate, dismal, dispiriting, dolorous, drab, draggy, drearisome, dreary, dull, forlorn, funereal, gloomy, grim, jarring, joyless, melancholy, miserable, mopey, mournful, oppressive, sad, somber, sorrowful, sullen, tenebrific, uncomfortable, unhappy, wintry, woebegone, woeful,abhorrent, abject, abominable, bad, base, beggarly, cheap, currish, degenerate, despicable, despisable, detestable, dirty, disgusting, fink, hateful, heel, ignoble, ignominious, inferior, low, low-down, lowest, mean, odious, outcast, paltry, pitiable, pitiful, poor, rat, sad, scummy, scurvy, shabby, shameful, sordid, sorry, swinish, unworthy, vile, worthless, wretched,: blue, cast down, chapfallen, dejected, depressed, despondent, disconsolate, discouraged, disheartened, dispirited, down, downcast, downhearted, inconsolable, low, sad, taken down, abject, atrabilious, black, bleak, blue, broody, bummed out, cast down, cheerless, clouded, crestfallen, dampened, dashed, despondent, disconsolate, discouraged, disheartened, dismal, dispirited, doleful, down, downcast, downhearted, dragged, drooping, droopy, gloomy, glum, heavyhearted, hurting, low, low-spirited, melancholy, miserable, moody, mopey, mopish, morose, sad, sagging, shot down, spiritless, woebegone, wretched

GOOD TIMES

2003-07-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

Last night I laid in bed and read a fantastic book.....while listening to the thunderstorm for like....ummmmm.....2 hours.....and I don't remember anything
quite that enjoyable in a long time. Free time is so friggin' fun.

Y????

2003-07-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

Why is it that dogs don't like bathing or hair cuts nearly as much as getting treats? My life would be much less eventful if dogs were genetically predispositioned to feel this way.

FYI

2003-07-11T02:28:00.000-07:00

I'm going swimming today....and you can't stop me.

CHICKEN BABY

2003-07-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

I can't handle scary movies.....or even those with the slightest innuendo of suspense. It’s because they freak me out in real life waaaaaaay too much. I have to be able to close my shower curtain! I have to be able to walk outside my home without a can of mace and a shotgun. Slasher flicks freak me out! When I was little......always watched scary movies through the little cracks in my fingers....still do..... old habits die hard I guess. So, like an idiot....last night I was watching a scary movie alone. Most of you would not think this movie was scary.....but to a chicken baby (me) it was.

So, in the movie.....there of course was a dense beautiful blonde running through the field........and of course......she tripped in her high-heels and fell over. It was at this point I had a sad thought. You see, if it were real life I wouldn’t make it very far in the field at all. I would take off running from the bad guy......make a sharp left.....run into a tree.....and lay unconscious when the bad guy commences to doing whatever bad guys do to chicken babies. See.....yet another fear which will certainly manifest the next time I‘m out picking daisies in some field. Is this normal?

UNFORTUNATELY

2003-07-10T14:34:00.000-07:00

It seems a drunk short stop makes all the difference.....even in a game of slow-pitch softball.

IRONIC

2003-07-08T01:55:00.000-07:00

it occurred to me.....i just wrote a cliché blog about cheering over the little things. cool.

well you know all of the millions of posters you read......insisting that you don't sweat the small stuff....and then there are the OTHER posters that tell you to enjoy the small stuff? i bet you have to have a highly tuned filter to sort through all of this small stuff.

LITTLE THINGS

2003-07-08T01:27:00.000-07:00

Somehow.....somewhere along the way grown-ups lose their enthusiasm. Do you know how cool it is that you bring a kid a Root Beer and they squeal with delight? Kids do this! Really....it’s awesome........they usually start applauding and cheering.....over a drink.........and when dinner arrives.....look out.....then the festivities really get started! All kids do this. They don’t learn it from watching their parents.....that’s for sure. It must just be an intrinsic happiness........impossible to repress......and I dig that! When did I stop cheering over beverages? Of course, I did a little cheering on graduation night.....but that was different. Wouldn’t it be cool if everyone cheered like this.....simply over the little things?

THINGS I DO THAT IMMEDIATELY MAKE ME THINK......I NEVER WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN. (Or better known as lightening bolt moments.)

2003-07-05T02:25:00.000-07:00

Stub my toe

Call someone by the wrong name

Get caught snooping

Hurt someone's feelings

Step on a slug

Cut myself shaving

Lose money

Fade out during an important conversation....only to be caught

Tell a little lie.....to spare some feelings....only to be caught

Walk face first into a spider web

Swear in front of my family

Run out of gas

Overthrow to first base

Oversleep

Throw up

I RULE!!!

2003-07-04T14:18:00.000-07:00

I have this theory....I think at least once a day everyone should put their fist in the air and repeat these words...."I rule". It sounds like a simple task.....takes very little time.....not much syntactic complexity behind the phrase.....but lemme tell you.....it will make you feel like you rule.

HAPPY 4th!!!!

2003-07-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

I bought big, dangerous fireworks and I can't wait to shoot 'em off!!!!

SAD BUT TRUE

2003-07-03T13:44:00.000-07:00

Riding bikes and jumping rope are not nearly as easy and fun as I remember them being 14 years ago. I know I sound really old and cliché but......I’m gonna type it anyway....holy cow!!!.....I can’t believe that was 14 years ago. It's good to live with pain from time to time.

SCANNERS

2003-07-02T17:23:00.000-07:00

I have a code word which I use when I can't take life anymore.....when whatever I'm doing is about to consume me. Scanners. It is a word that means a lot to me.....but means probably very little to you.

Today I went and toured the schools were my title will be the.......Speech/Language Specialist (weird). SCANNERS! Information overload.....deer in headlights.....all that. I have an office!? What in the hell do I put in my office? I don't have any stuff. Where do I get stuff? Holy cow.....I'm not ready to be a grown up. Picking up rib bones isn't so bad.....is it?

PITIFUL THOUGHT OF THE DAY

2003-07-02T01:15:00.000-07:00

I wonder if Michael Jackson requests something like Crest White Strips be used for his body wraps.

FINALLY

2003-07-02T01:10:00.000-07:00

It has taken a while....but I am pleased to find that my brain is firing once again. I hope it lasts......I've had a fuzzy head ache for 9 days.

BUGS SUCK

2003-07-02T01:06:00.001-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows how much I hate bugs.....particularly spiders and the creepy crawly things that have no name (somehow they only live in my neighborhood).

Whenever I used to stay with my sister.....I would come home.....and there would be phone books in the floor.....usually a couple......they were spider burials.....and she was too afraid to pick the book up. I guess I come by in honestly.

So.....I sprayed this spider two nights ago.......a really, really BIG spider......that was about to attack me....in my own living room. Of course he was miraculously resurrected and came back to haunt me tonight. Only a spider can survive half a can of full contact bug spray. That’s not right......he should be in bug heaven. Anyway......he came back to pay me a visit......not within reach of course...in a corner on the ceiling......above the thingy holding all of my stuff.....making it completely impossible for me to reach him (not that I would anyway). So I broke out the bug spray (that didn’t work last time)...and it was empty. Complete oversight on my part while making the shopping list. How could I not buy bug spray? So I squeezed the trigger anyway........praying for a miracle.....like the one that brought him back to life........maybe some would come shooting out.......nope.......he actually looked at me and laughed.......which of course.......pissed me off more. So, I went and got every chemical in the kitchen.........and proceeded to empty them in the direction of the laughing spider. Just as I was shouting him out with some laundry cleaner......he began to take on a gruesome form.....it looked as if he was turning inside out. For the first time.....I felt a little sorry for a bug.......but not for long. I hope he is in there twitching and writhing as I type this. He’ll be back though. They always come back......with friends. I’ll be thinking of this while I try to sleep tonight.

A MUST SEE.

2003-07-01T01:42:00.000-07:00

You have to do it.....so don't even try to blow this recommendation off. If you want to absolutely laugh till you cry.....read this baby blog. This poor, sweet guy is sharing his thoughts on his wife's pregnancy and his impending role as a father. Trust me.....you will get hooked.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

2003-07-01T01:30:00.000-07:00

So.....I have a generic head. People ask me all the time...."do you have a sister named....ummm ________" (you may insert any random name that comes to mind). No. I don't. I have a sister that looks nothing like me......a sister that no one would ever question her relation to me in a million years. Others ask....."were you in a musical at SMS back in the Spring?" No. I wasn't. I sing and ears bleed. "Do you frequent the Brown Derby?" No. I don't. But what a joint to be linked with. What is it? This mistaken identity phenomenon is irritating.......and from time to time it causes me distress.......and I have to explain......when I shouldn’t have to explain. I think I'll tattoo a big friggin’ lightening bolt on my forehead. Would that make me distinguishable?

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME!

2003-06-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

There isn't a better place in the world than the ballpark.

There is nothing better than a sea of red.....in the house of blue.

TEST TAKING

2003-06-27T22:42:00.000-07:00

It's a good thing I LOVE taking tests!!!! Because I get to take a hellofa whopper tomorrow. I love taking test. I love taking tests. I love taking test. I love taking tests. I love taking tests. I love taking tests. I love taking tests. The best thing about taking tests.....is maintaining an extreme level of concentration for two hours.....so you don't blow it......and get fired from the job you haven't started......and have to fork out 150 bucks to retake the damn test. I love taking tests. I love taking tests. I love taking tests. I love taking test. I love taking tests. I love taking tests. I love taking tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FRIENDS

2003-06-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

Without friends.....I'd be friendless.

PITIFUL THOUGHT OF THE DAY.

2003-06-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

Being brave is really scary.

GOTTA HAVE A TICKER.

2003-06-26T01:45:00.000-07:00

I kept saying that all the Cardinals needed was a ticker.....you gotta have heart to play the game. Well it looks like we got it.....and him. Bo Hart hit his first big-league dinger tonight! WTG Bo! Yes.......I know......he looks like he is wearing Daddy's pants.......but he has stepped in and filled big shoes......I like him.

Don't forget.......Friday is Jim's Birthday!!!!

SOMETHING UNEXPECTED.

2003-06-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

Something happened today.....I heard a recognizable saying.....a character in a movie was talking about his significant other......and how he wanted to grow old with her........and for the first time.......it struck me. I've heard identical dialogue before............people talking about growing old with someone........I've heard it a zillion times......but their words have never hooked me. Rest assured.......I didn't break down weeping or anything girly like that......but I did think......for a transient moment......hey, that doesn't sound too bad at all.

PITIFUL THOUGHT OF THE DAY.

2003-06-25T03:23:00.000-07:00

A brave soul is someone who faces the day without the use of stimulants.

CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD.

2003-06-24T04:11:00.000-07:00

I was at the convenience store today when I witnessed something remarkable. There was a couple in their late twenties exiting the store as I parked. I watched as they made their way to the car......nothing seemed abnormal........just walking side-by-side........not really saying anything.........then.......they approached the front bumper of their Yuppie looking SUV. At this point, Yuppie dude walked swiftly ahead of Yuppie chick........ensuring he arrived first at the Yuppie SUV..........so he could open her door with a smile. The smile was reciprocated..........as Yuppie chick settled into her Yuppie beige seat.

Men don't open car doors for women on a Monday.......in the middle of the afternoon.........at the Pump Handle. Do they? Men open car doors when they are on dates......and usually in sight of their date's parents. They weren't going to the prom. They just probably picked up some sparkling Yuppie water and were headed home. No special occasion.

If I were in Yuppie chick's shoes........would this behavior drive me mad? Would I feel the need to say "listen, I can open my own freaking car door"?. Well........maybe I would. However, the event certainly got my full attention.......and afterward........well.......afterward.........I felt kind of good.

ODD

2003-06-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

When I get suckered into watching NASCAR......I feel a little dumber and a bit dizzy.

LOVEABLE LYRICS

2003-06-22T15:52:00.000-07:00

Bobby Gaylor - “Suicide”

Animals don't have a choice.
If they're not happy with their place in the world... too bad.
They have to live the life they've been given.
Humans, on the other hand, don't have to.
We have a choice.
If you don't like your place in the world you can get off anytime you want.
Suicide.
That's right.
You don't like the way your life's going, you don't like the way you are in the world, anything around you, you can check out anytime you like.
Animals aren't allowed that thought and believe me, if they were, they would use it.
There'd be a lot of dogs and cats, owned by assholes that live in high-rises, diving out the windows.
Zebras... if they even had remotely that thought would take a look at themselves and go,
“What the FUCK! Black & white in a green & brown world... this blows. I'm just gonna jump in the river.... I don't have a thumb to work a gun or hold a knife or even open a jar of pills. I'm just gonna dive into the next lion's mouth. Why even bother?”

Now, monkeys have the opposable thumb so they could kinda do it the exact same way we do.
Now, there's a bunch of people that say, “Oh, it's against the law”.
Well, it's only against the law if you do a crappy job and get caught.
Other people say, “Oh, we should save them”.
Yeah, well you know what?
Not everybody wants to be saved.
Not everybody should be saved.
And who are we to force our will upon them?
I mean, isn't that one of the joys about being a human?
Freedom of choice?
Now, it's not all bad.

Now, I'm not saying “Kill yourself”.
But if you're gonna be an idiot and do it anyway, it's no sweat off of my back.
There's a lot of good that could come from it.
A little bit of bad thrown in.
Some of the things:

A job will open...
An apartment will become available...
There'll be more air for me...
They say there's two girls for every guy - if you're a man, there'll be four chicks for me...
There'll be more Ketel One vodka for me...
There'll be one less idiot in line at the bank who gets up to the window without their FUCKING slips filled out...
I won't ever have to go to the store to buy my favorite Salt & Vinegar Chips and have the clerk point at you and say, “They bought the last bag”....
You won't help change the McDonald's sign to a Hundred Billion Served...
You'll never get AIDS...
You won't have to worry about calories ever...
No more, “Hey, does this make me look fat?”...
There'll be one less polluting human...
You won't have to recycle... There'll be one less car on the road...
There'll be more Ring Dings for me...
Fifty or so chickens' lives will be spared...
Your fingers won't ever get red from eating pistachios...
You won't be forced to visit your Grandparents on Sundays anymore...
No more church...
You'll be saying, “Hey, World - Kiss My Ass!”...

No more wet dreams about Supermodels...
No more Barry Manilow...
For a few years anyway...
Wondering “Am I a loser?” will be a thing of the past...
Say good-bye to crappy Xmas presents from Aunts and Uncles...
You won't have to suffer through a Motley Crue reunion...
FUCK flossing and brushing...
You'll never lose sleep over a pregnancy scare...
Adios, Acne...
Worrying whether you fit in or not won't be on your brain...
See ya later, homework...
You'll never have to sit through another movie brought to you by the creators of South Park...
Schools out forever....
No more paying bills...
You won't have to do chores...
You won't be able to run over toads with the lawnmower though...

You'll also miss McDonald's French Fries...
Bugs Bunny...
The amazing electrifying feeling that surges through your body when you kiss someone for the first time...
You won't be able to watch the letterbox director's cut of Jaws...
Candy...
Living above ground...
Pudding crust...
You'll miss the rush of getting your first apartment...
Getting to the point in your life where you can tell your parents to “FUCK OFF! I gotta make my own mistakes....you did”...

You'll miss sex - you'll miss thinking about it, looking for it, sex by yourself, sex with a partner, sex with multiple partners...
No more summer nights that seem to go on forever...
Roller coasters....
Naming your kid the name you always wanted...
Making a difference in the world...
You'll miss the experience and pleasure of Hallucinogenics...
Watching your neighbor's wife change clothes with her blinds open...
A lifetime of masturbating...
Watching your favorite team sweep the series...
Music... You will definitely miss music...
Trying to sneak into your house drunk - three hours past your curfew...
You'll miss the blaze and glory of the 4th of July fireworks...
The taste of Captain Crunch...

If you're a boy, you'll miss the feeling the first time you reach up a girl's shirt...
If you're a girl, the feeling the first time you reach down a boy's pants...
You'll miss your favorite coat...
Waffles with whipped cream and strawberries...
Beating your friends at video games...
You won't be around to see what shape and color the new marshmallow in Lucky Charms will be...
You'll miss the feeling you get when reminiscing about your first love - thirty years after the fact...
The joy of giving and receiving at Christmas...
Skinny dipping...
Getting stoned, reading Green Eggs & Ham, and eating like a horse that got loose in the grain bin...
Flying cars...

Hey, you were born - Finish what was started.

FIGHTIN' WORDS!

2003-06-22T15:37:00.000-07:00

"Kim, you have itty-bitty cute lines around the corners of your eyes."

THINGS I CAN DO NOW THAT MY ACADEMIC STATUS HAS BEEN UPGRADED TO ALUMNUS.

2003-06-22T04:01:00.000-07:00

Sleep in really late.

Take a lot of naps.

Daydream.

Watch movies all day.

Research conspiracy theories on the internet.

Watch endless hours of "Forensic Files".

Spend the afternoon chewing bubble yum.......trying to blow a bigger bubble than the last.

Walk.....not to get anywhere.......just to walk.

Paint my toenails.

Read random blog.

Write blog.

Regularly visit one of my favorite blogs .

Organize things that don't need organizing.

Give my daily planner to charity.

Stay up till 6:00 a.m. playing video games.

Talk to people......for fun.

Stare at the walls

LET DOWN.

2003-06-21T01:47:00.000-07:00

I opened a fortune cookie today to find ......... "you have a thrilling event in your immediate future". I waited all night. I’m still waiting. I wonder what kind of time frame "immediate" encompasses?

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK.

2003-06-20T03:11:00.000-07:00

The bumper sticker which reads, "mean people suck" is a bit lame.....but isn't it true? Nothing makes me want to run and hide more......than an individual angrily running amok. Relax.....have some fun dip.......close your eyes and count to 10.....whatever........just stop making my environment tense. You don’t have to even run amok to make me want to seek shelter. The silent mean types......they make me just as nervous.......maybe a bit more nervous.......because you don’t know what in the hell is going on in their head. See.....the people running amok.....typically voice their opinions and let you hear their complaints whether you want them or not. The quiet ones.....they make you sweat it. Are they mad at me? They can’t be mad at me......I didn’t do anything wrong.....did I? Maybe I forgot something. Maybe I said something? Maybe I forgot I said something? The truth is......the pissed person (PP) is probably pissed because that morning........the guy in front of PP........at the convince store .........was buying a box of cheese doodles on a credit card.......and PP watched as the clerk ran the card 3 times..........because the doorknob paying with a credit card can’t take care of a piece of plastic.......so the entire cash handling process is thrown out of whack.......and PP is just pissed off because he was late for work. Well.....that’s fine......I understand the frustration a scenario like this can trigger. So tell me about it!! I will sympathize with you. I will be your friend and be mad at anyone you want........just don’t make my environment tense.